Sollux: Be flushed
by Lame-as-hell
Summary: Sollux is bored. Maybe reading some of the human conversations would help...or not.


You are Sollux Captor. You are currently trapped in the veil with your friends. You are waiting for impending doom, the doom your friends do not all believe will happen. You have no form of amusement other than trolling the humans. This strikes you as juvenile and pointless. Why talk to such a dumb, hornless species, if they would all die anyway? It was the dumbest idea, and Karkat was dumb for suggesting it, you think.

You are the admin of the connection to the humans, since you're the only one who can figure out a computer. You believe that, if you can't figure shit out by fiddling with it, you don't belong near a fucking computer. But, if Karkat were to try and 'help', the computers would blow up. You snort in amusement. Sounds like his level of 'skills', alright.

You are bored. Painfully bored. Feferi is being bothered by Eridan and you swear if you go near him, he will demand kismesisship. The guy is insane. You don't hate him in the correct way. You have had enough of just aimlessly staring around the room at the oblivious morons. And Eridan and Feferi. You don't care if they ended up as matesprits - you're only her moirail, for Christ's sake.

You decide that, as admin, you can read other people's conversations, right? Of course you could. And, it wouldn't hurt to see what the humans were like, either...no. You shake your head. This is dumb. But, it could be fun. With a sigh, you open a conversation featuring 'tentacleTherapist'. You figure this is a strange trolltag. Or whatever humans call it. You could not care less.

Oh God. The long words. Painful, mundane words. You groan. It was like the girl ate a freaking dictionary and had a thesaurus as a tasty snack. You decide that the pain from her long, flowery words was already worsening the ache in your thinkpan from the screaming voices. And you've only read for about...what? Five minutes? No more. Next up, you decide to go for 'gardenGnostic'. She seems okay.

Her happiness is...intoxicating. In the sense that, if she kept being so damn happy, you think your throat might close up. You can tolerate happy people, yes. But this human is just too much for you. This time, you read for fifteen minutes. Personal best, you agree. If the last two were that bad, you dread clicking on 'turntechGodhead', but continue anyway.

You stumble upon a conversation Tavros had with him. You assume this is why he was crying earlier. All in all, you find him vaguely amusing and you enjoy his 'insufferable prick' style. A bit like your own, you think. You make it to another conversation to read. But this time...his style is awful. He is just a douche. There is no way you ever want to speak to him. You stare at the last one. 'ectoBiologist (ghostyTrickster)' That's a little odd, you think. Two tags? Whatever. You continue onwards.

You read an early conversation, one with his tag as 'ghostyTrickster'. He seems to get annoyed with Karkat's trolling and blocks him. And then changes his trolltag to...ectoBiologist? Not a wise choice, seeing as Karkat had just told him about ectobiology. Still...you think he deserves another shot. You skip to when they start Sgrub. Wait, what did humans call it? Sburb? Stupid name, really. Then again, everything about humans strikes you as dumb. You read on.

You continue to read for a good hour at the very least. You actually kind of like this human. Yes, you do. Especially the way he pisses off Karkat so much and...what the hell is wrong with you? You shrug it off, reading up until you come across Karkat's hate confession. Haha, what a loser. You are sure to make fun of him for the stupidity of hating a human romantically later.

**EB: it is just that, uh...**  
><strong>CG: WHAT<strong>  
><strong>EB: i am not a homosexual.<strong>  
><strong>CG: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?<strong>  
><strong>EB: it is like, when a boy likes another boy.<strong>

You feel a little...surprised? In all honesty, you had no idea of this. You thought he was a normal guy. You know, swing both ways and whatnot. You never thought he had a female kink. ...damn. Wait, damn? Your eyes widen a little, shocked at your own thoughts. A faint blush in your sickly yellow blood color spreads across your face. Oh hell no.

Karkat barks something at you, snapping you out of your thoughts. He says something about you staring wide-eyed at your screen like you are watching bucketporn and demands to know what the hell is going on. Before he can look on your screen, you click 'X' to close down the admin tab. After about a minute of him pissing you off about wanting to know, you push him away, dashing to Feferi. You mutter something about needing to talk. You ignore Eridan's whining.

You need someone right now. Anyone. Anyone who can talk some sense into you. It's not right and you know it. You thought they were all stupid, all pathetic, hornless grubs. You were wrong. And you still are. You're disturbingly wrong. There is no way he would want a freak like you. You frown as Feferi leads you to a private place. You tell her everything.

You are Sollux Captor, and you are flushed for John Egbert. He will never return your feelings. You know this. And it hurts.

* * *

><p>First completed Homestuck fanfiction. The world needs more SolJohn. But, uh, yeah. This actually came from a headcanon where Sol fell for Dave by reading pesterlogs. But, I adapted it with John. Because I love these two. Anyway! Review, fave blah blah. And I hope you enjoyed!<p> 


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